How to change;

I was reminded today of a two common problems that get in the way when changing our lives for the better. I had a conversation with someone trying to quit smoking. This individual was approaching the problem “cold turkey”, but had experienced setbacks along the way. She was struggling to continue because of her setbacks and felt that her motivation to change couldn’t surmount the urge to smoke.

There are two lessons this person could learn to help change her behavior. The first is to recognize the way that we stay motivated to change is through action. The way to keep motivated when working on a project is to make progress every day. In order to learn to play the piano, practice every day to the point where you can do something you have never done before. Nothing motivates like action.

Everyday practice works well for breaking a habit as well. Dr. Wayne Dyer, in 101 Ways to Transform Your Life notes that if you would like to stop eating ice cream regularly, do not tell yourself that you will never eat ice cream again; the thought will drive you straight to the freezer! Instead, make your decision one day at a time. Each interval without ice cream is an achievement which will help motivate you to continue. If you can’t accept one day at a time, consider one hour, or even fifteen minutes. Make the decision for yourself now, trust yourself to make the right decision in the future.

The second lesson to learn is that our personal histories are meaningless. This morning is just as over as the Peloponnesian war; neither can be changed now. We accept this in the case of the distant past, but we will spend untold energy wishing to change the recent past. The past is the past. All we can do is take responsibility for our actions now.

The key here is to say internally, “I can control my urge to eat ice cream for the next day. I will let myself tomorrow decide whether I will eat ice cream tomorrow, but for today I am not.” If and when you experience a setback, love yourself. Remember that your past is over and there is nothing you can do to change it. Instead of beating yourself up for what you cannot change (your past), focus that energy on the next fifteen minutes, hour or day; focus on changing yourself for the better. Your efforts will be much more fruitful.